Beware: Soap Box Alert!!

I'm so fired up, so grossed out & so very sad all rolled into one. Can it be true that chicken farms are so grotesquely managed that millions of chickens are kept in the pitch-black dark during the day? That none of them have their complete set of feathers due to plucking each other in the rear? Can we seriously buy mass-produced chicken meat that is raised in such extremes that the hundreds-a-day dead are counted & thrown into buckets, compost, or incinerators? Seriously? It's shit. And we're shitty for supporting it with every $$ we throw at Tyson. ugh. Makes me sick.

In the boonies of MS, when I was supposed to be learning to use a compass, I discovered a row of 6 chicken houses that were operated by Tyson Farms. I, of course, was beyond curious to see all aspects of this business up-close & personal; my compass was quickly tossed aside. I wandered up to one of the doors and creaked it open, not really knowing what I would see next...it scared me, even the 2 inch space I was peering through. Chickens were everywhere!!!


The huge buildings were COVERED with chicken bodies in the dark ( my pics don't show the depth of these buildings). No cages, no infrastructure, just long water pipes and feeding bins. As I opened the door more, letting in more and more sunlight, the chickens became scared to death...from the closest to the farthest away, they started squawking in fear, climbing over each other to get away. The dead were literally trampled on even more. I didn't even go in, I just looked and looked and looked. I was in shock! This was real. I literally couldn't believe it. I became angry that this was the reality we supported. A cycle of anger, then sadness, then outrage, then pity....on and on. I even went so far as to quiz the feed-delivery man (this was the only person around) on what his views were of the business he was supporting. His answer was that he'd never even looked inside...what????

I've read so many books and heard so many stories, but seriously --- seriously --- you can't appreciate it (is that the right word?) until you see it for yourself. I'm not advocating that no one should eat chicken. I am simply requesting that if you should choose to eat this meat, then please eat ethically raised chickens. Anything less is not only not good for your body, but certainly can't be good for your soul.

**Some books to check out:
Slaughterhouse Blues
Slaughterhouse
Meat Market
and my all time favorite: The Ethics of What We Eat

And, as my final plug, I have to make mention of the very ignorant, nearing asinine, comment the guy I was with said : "If I don't look, then I don't have to know." Needless to say, I had to bite my tongue.

Educate yourselves people & act accordingly! This is total (chicken) shit!!

Pictures that speak.

(the one of Dad in the rain is probably my most favorite I've taken in a long time!)

Everything Happens for a Reason by Mira Kirshenbaum

This book was like going to some quasi-Cosmic Kindergarten. While I already subscribed to the idea that 'everything does happen for a reason', it was a nice & orderly reminder of why this is just so. She believes that all things happen to teach us lessons in one of ten categories:
1. To feel at home in the world
2. To totally accept yourself
3. To show that you can let go of fear
4. To bring you to the place where you can feel forgiveness
5. To help you uncover your true hidden talent
6. To give you what you need to find true love
7. To make you stronger
8. To discover the play in life
9. To live with a sense of mission
10. To help you become a truly good person.

If anyone is into this type of thing, I totally recommend this book as a primer in these beliefs.

" In a dark time, the eye begins to see." - Theodore Roethke
"Happy is the person who can know the reasons for things." - Virgil

Time Marches On.

My life in images this week:

A friend challenged me to look at my world differently -- "just look up", she said, as eloquently as that. And, after doing so, I must admit things do look different -- in a different kind of way. I like to notice the little things, so this was a good exercise for me. Here are a few of those, as well as what struck me as fun/beautiful/nice/or memorable, as well as a few things I was caught doing the past few days. enjoy the hodge-podge. (you should be able to click on any image to enlarge)





























Dark chocolate on my pillow. The ebb and flow of loosing and then gaining control. Morning rituals. natural rhythms. Rain! Rain! Rain!. studying by only natural or candle light. amazingly thoughtful and emotional gifts from the heart. my favorite coffee beans from Portland. wondering what's next. Daisy & Belle: RIP 9/17/09. silence. "...I miss my bright spot being here". P90X. phone calls from Zimbabwe. "Hope the sun is shining, chickens are laying and life continues to hold you in your light cradle". painting pottery. "Happy BD, SJ. I'm so happy you were born...". Pippi Longstocking. Running in the rain. A peaceful presence. Cowboy boots. Applications & essays. Bike rides to boat piers. naps on the swing. Box fans. key-lime pies. caribou. aiming for perfect balance.

Cannery Row by John Steinbeck

This book was not what I expected, nor frankly as great as it was built up to be. It was a simple 1940's era book that took the otherwise despondent lifestyles of a community of slum-dwellers living around a fish cannery and made them come alive to the reader. While it was nice that the voices of those typically unheard were made audible, this book did not do it in the most impressionable of ways. (However, it was respectable that even the injured groundhogs were given a voice!) I think I would have liked a stronger critical approach to their situation vs. short vignettes of daily activities, which I did not feel like told me what I was looking for. Stories were good; substance was not. There are better books out there, in my opinion.

"Someone should write an erudite essay on the moral, physical, and esthetic effect of the Model T Ford on the American nation. Two generations of Americans knew more about the Ford coil than the clitoris, and the planetary system of gears than the solar system of stars." p. 61

"I think that Mack and the boys know everything that has ever happened in the world and possibly everything that will ever happen. I think they survive in this particular world better than other people. In a time when people tear themselves to pieces with ambition and nervousness and covetousness, they are relaxed. All of our so-called successful men are sick men, with bad stomachs, and bad souls, but Mack and the boys are healthy and curiously clean. They can do what they want. The can satisfy their appetites without calling them something else." p. 129

"It has always seemed strange to me...the things we admire in men, kindness and generosity, openness, honesty, understanding and feeling are the concomitants of failure in our system. And those traits we detest, sharpness, greed, acquisitiveness, meanness, egotism and self-interest are the traits of success. And while men admire the quality of the first they love the produce of the second. " p. 131

My Magic Place

Through the continual process of making my way in this crazy, mixed up, yet beautiful world, I once again am brought to a crossroads, a juncture, a closing of a chapter and the opening of a new one. Life is made of these defining moments, yet I don't feel a firm pull to go in any one direction just yet. There are many ways to turn and much still left to do, yet I seem to not be able to make firm decisions and be certain of my way. My head is foggy and my plans unclear.

Right now, I feel like the best way to process everything in my head is to go where nothing is expected of me and I can feel out each day at will. So far, only one place I know of gives me type of silent freedom : our cabin in our woods, where I am alone to just "be". A place with no address, in the middle of the woods, down a gravel road and without a phone. I can't really put it into words how this place feels so much like home to me.

I will study and paint, read and garden, cook and sew, sleep and run, journal and think. Along with some chickens and all our dogs, I feel like I will be back on track by the end. So, I'm off to my magic spot for the next several weeks. With patchy internet and no cell phone of my own, I'm confident that my communication level will be pretty spotty -- but those of you who really keep up with me, will know how to find me.

3rd week strong and still taking note of the little things...

"hormone free. All natural" hogs. illegal Mexicans and debates over Obama politics. lovebugs. dirty catfish. 99cent organic milk. 4 wheeler riding with Mom & Dad. heart-to-hearts amongst the hay-stacks. inspirational farming lifestyles. i heart vintage. Crown & Coke. coffee at the farm with a new friend. sweet, juicy cantaloupes. seed swaps. planning the cabin/brick patio. bright pink Obama T-shirts. watching Dad reconnect with his past. Pentecostal penance. lessons of persistence. vegetable porn. seed swaps. persimmons. Stanley. ice cream in coffee. wishing, but accepting that all guys are not men. GRE study sessions. Being in bed by 9:30 so that I can get up early. being frustrated over the things that I'm always frustrated over. Mrs. Weathers. Slow Food Movement. Tarantino films. heirloom tomato madness. being let down. feeling like a black sheep all over again. controlling my internet addiction. lots of self-talk. inevitabilities.

Things that have made me smile...

my amazing cousin & his beautiful wife who enjoy and value time with family--and who both know how to hug for that extra 2 seconds, showing that it matters. being deemed the 'cultured' one of the group!. hearing how "super fantastic" it was to meet me. managing to only work 6 months a year. being told I gave someone the "best conversation of their week". feeling healthy & strong. random book recommendations made to me "because I know you like to read, Stephanie". me plus 4 pots of Folgers = a highlight of someone's weekend. Being told daily how great it is to have me home. My brother not being embarrassed to say he loves me in front of his friends. how excited Buster is to see me when I arrive home. early morning phone calls from old friends. living simply.

Prose at its finest.

"Emerson gave us last Monday evening the most brilliant lecture I ever listened to from any mortal. It was on the identity of the laws of the mind with the laws of nature. He proved conclusively that man is only a higher kind of corn, that he is a squirrel gone up into first class, that he is a liberated oyster fully educated, that he is a spiritualized pumpkin, a thinking squash, a graduated sunflower, and inspired turnip. Such imagery, such wit, such quaint things said in a tone of solemn and sublime! I have the most profound respect henceforth for every melon-vine as my ancestor. I look upon every turtle as of kin. Tonight he lectures again. I fear I may have lost it."

The Health Care Debate

I am so fired up over this health care debate. It seems that because I am involved in the medical field and an Obama supporter, people feel the need to share their (usually uninformed) opinions with me with the unspoken attempts at sparring some type of debate(less a debate & more of an argument, I've learned). I have my opinions, but I'm still learning all the details and last night was a great presentation from our President on this hot topic.

Obama's FULL Health Care Address

In case any of you didn't get to see this live, take the time to watch it now. The rumors are rampant (at least in my parts) and the facts are few. I, for one, definitely agree that it is time for a change. ... and this change is better than the alternative, i.e. no change. Working in this illustrious, money wasting, ridiculous system, some days makes me sick.

But, aside from the system's issues, I strongly agree that this is our true problem. Pollan has his finger on the pulse! It always comes back to the basics...

This Guy is so Damn Cool...

...and his shoes aren't too shaby either. Learn and support!

Toms Shoes

I have a thing with food. I think about it, dream about it, talk about it, obsess over new recipes, menus, flavors and literally cannot bear the thought of anything going to waste. I like to eat whole and natural, full of flavor and fresh. This isn't so easy for me lots of times, given that I'm on the road without a kitchen to call my own. However, when I am ever still, even for a day, the first thing I do is pull out all my old stand-by cookbooks and head to the kitchen. Aside from print, some of my favorite online sites are this and this ---and the old favorite: this. I check them daily and read them like a book. One day when I have my own quaint B&B on my own quaint farm, this blog might morph into a quaint foodie porn site...until then, I will sporadically include my tops. Let me know what you think! (and send me your favs. too)

Crunchy Cabbage and Ramen Slaw

Ingredients

1 (2 1/2-pound) head green cabbage, shredded
1/2 cup toasted slivered almonds
1/2 cup toasted sesame seeds
1 bunch green onions, green parts only, thinly sliced
2 (3-ounce) packages ramen noodle soup mix (any flavor)
1/2 cup expeller pressed canola or sunflower oil
3 tablespoons seasoned brown rice vinegar
2 tablespoons mild honey
1 teaspoon salt
Black pepper to taste

Method

Combine the cabbage, almonds, sesame seeds and green onions in a large serving bowl. Remove the seasoning packet from both ramen soup mixes and reserve for another use. Crumble the ramen noodles into small pieces and add to the cabbage mixture. In a separate bowl, whisk together the oil, brown rice vinegar, honey, salt and pepper. Add to salad and toss to coat well.

This is one of those recipes that I obsess over and crave constantly. I make a huge batch and eat it morning, noon and night! I lots of times add carrots too.

Strawberry and Avocado Salsa

3 pt strawberries, hulled and sliced 1 bunch of cilantro
4 avocados 1 lg. jalapeno, minced
1 red onion, diced juice of 2 limes
1 tsp salt

In a lg. bowl combine sliced strawberries, chopped avocados, diced red onion, minced jalapenos, chopped cilantro. Add lime juice and salt. If you want a little more spice add a pinch of cayenne pepper. Serve.

The night before I left for the SAS, I had a big cookout at my house and made lots of yummy, healthy dishes, this being one of them. It was my favorite and if there was anything specific that I craved all summer, it was this dish. Awesome! I served with pita chips. Recipe could easily be halved.

Basil-Blackberry Crumble

2-3 apples, chopped
2 pints blackberries
2 tbsp balsamic vinegar
1 lg. handful of basil leaves, chopped
1/4 cup honey - or more depending on tartness of your berries
Preheat oven to 400. Combine all in an oven-proof casserole dish, mix and set aside.

5 tbsp flour
3 heaping tbsp brown sugar
1 stick cold butter
Cut butter into flour and sugar, then rub with your fingers to make a chunky, crumbly mixture (not too uniform). Sprinkle it over the top of the fruit, bake 30 min. until golden and bubbly.

Animal, Vegetable, Miracle by Barbara Kingsolver is so dear to my heart (read it!) and this recipe came from there. It sounds like an odd combination, but oh so good. Serve with cream or ice cream. Strapping this hot dish to my bike rack and biking across town to a friend's dinner party in Portland makes this dish all the more memorable to me.

The Diving Bell and the Butterfly - Jean-Dominique Bauby

This is a book literally told by a blink of an eye. The author lives with the devastating reality of locked-in syndrome. Locked-in syndrome is when the body cannot move or function, but all the higher brain functions are in intact. This happens because of a large stroke in the base of the brain that essentially destroys the roadway in and out of the brain. The patient is alive but 'locked in' the body. It is an awful reality (in my humble opinion) and one that I had to watch unfold in my very care.

Early in 2009, on a travel nurse assignment in Greenville, NC, I personally took care of a 23 yr. old guy with the same diagnosis after a large stroke of his pons. It was an emotional and fragile process as I translated a very rare condition to his friends and family. As a nurse, many patients filter through my life and the ones that stand the test of time tend to have made some major mark on my heart...him being one of them.

I was led to read this book because, at the time, I recommended it to the family as a source of education on 'locked in syndrome', but had never read it myself. The author, being locked-in himself, when he 'wrote' this book, transcribed letter by letter by blinking his left eye. It took months to write this 132 pg. book, but knowing the effort it took to 'write' it makes it an amazing read. The story line is a bit disjointed, more like commentary on his present reality and memories that he reminisced on.

I feel like I gained a reinforced perspective from reading it. It gave me greater empathy towards patients that aren't able to communicate their needs and a flood of gratefulness that I am whole. I recommend it for anyone needing a reality check that whatever their problems are, surely they aren't as bad as they seem.

"Far from such din, when blessed silence returns, I can listen to the butterflies that flutter inside my head. To hear them, one must be calm and pay close attention, for their wingbeats are barely audible. Loud breathing is enough to drown them out. This is astonishing: my hearing does not improve, yet I hear them better and better. I must have butterfly hearing. " - The Duck Hunt, p. 97

"...but this man [ophthalmologist]--who spent his days peering into people's pupils--was apparently unable to interpret a simple look. With a big round head, a short body, and a fidgety manner, he was the very model of the couldn't-care-less doctor: arrogant, brusque, sarcastic-the kind who summons his patient for 8:00 a.m., arrives at 9:00, and then departs at 9:05, after giving each of them forty-five seconds of his precious time." - Voice Offstage, p. 54

A few of my smiles this week have been because...

I've recently had a spell where I feel like I'm not as grateful as I should be. I feel like a little bitch-- but I've been told that I'm being too hard on myself(?). I sincerely want to live each day with wide eyes and a grateful heart, so I've now embarked on a personal challenge to take note of what makes me smile everyday in hopes that with a smile an even more grateful heart will follow.

Here are a few from this week: the simple beauty of a tiny birds nest outside of Elizabeth's window, garden fresh, homemade pizza -- made with
equal amounts love & leftovers!, the hairstylist who reminded me that it takes more than just writing down goals to accomplish them, my biggest compliment: "Stephanie, You're pretty dynamic. " (coming from a pretty dynamic guy himself), the act of mowing the yard giving me the biggest thrill b/c I love the straight lines, cooled canned goods, Mom's excitement to have movie night- just she & I, how sincerely excited (bordering on a very flattering ecstatic state) a lifer-friend of mine was to hear that I'll be in Columbus for a few months, reading on the swing on our back deck, Lady Gray, the fresh zinnias Mom brings home every week from the garden.
...and so much more. I love what makes me smile.
*************************************************************************************

I always love recommended reads, so here goes with what is filtering through my world these days.... (note: not all of these are recommended)

The Last Report on the Miracles at Little No Horse by Louise Erdrich

Wow, what a read! Definitely one that you have to make space in your head for each and every time you read it. I was told that Louise Erdrich was a legend (in her own right) so I was v. excited about reading my inaugural Erdrich book. It was good, don't get me wrong, but not one of my absolute favs. PLOT: A priest on the Objiwe Reservation is killed and another comes to take his place. It is the stories of multiple families over centuries--loves, deaths, betrayals, loss, sickness...and a parallel story of the 2nd priest's battle over his 'secret' of being a woman and living with the choice to be a Catholic priest and hide this fact his whole life.

What is the whole of our existence but the sound of an appalling love?

On the Road by Jack Kerouac

Since last summer, I have intended to intersperse a 'classic' (of some sorts) as an every-other-book read. After the Erdrich book, Kerouac's book fell into my lap from a hostel in Turkey. I had been meaning to read this book for a super long time because it represents a whole era that I've not read much about. While on the one hand, it was definitely one good to get under my belt (for no other reason that to make me a good conversationalist at a dinner party!), it was not as awesome as I had hoped. The whole book was just one long, uninterrupted experience of a couple of knot-headed guys traipsing all over the US. I guess I could relate b/c my brother could totally be one of these guys, but in actuality, I thought most of what they did was pretty lame. A must read but don't expect not to be able to put it down.

“They danced down the streets like dingledodies, and I shambled after as I’ve been doing all my life after people who interest me, because the only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones that never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn…”
- Jack Kerouac, On the Road, Part 1, Ch. 1

“I woke up as the sun was reddening; and that was the one distinct time in my life, the strangest moment of all, when I didn’t know who I was — I was far away from home, haunted and tired with travel, in a cheap hotel room I’d never seen, hearing the hiss of steam outside, and the creak of the old wood of the hotel, and footsteps upstairs, and all the sad sounds, and I looked at the cracked high ceiling and really didn’t know who I was for about fifteen strange seconds.”
- Jack Kerouac, On the Road, Part 1, Ch. 3

Going on my 2nd week at home and it has meant..

91.1 WFUV-"world class music", yard work, canning tomatoes, figs, and pears, new ideas, lots of driving/alone time, football season hype, impressionable life lessons, new bedding, deep sleeps = nightly vivid dreams!, overcast days, family time, watching the bird feeders, art shows, lots of cooking, NPR, dove hunts, charlie-horses in the morning, routines, a-letter-a-day, kicked puppy dog syndrome, re-connections and 'I'm sorry's', never-ending errands, library days, "Being present in the present", new Ipods, P90X, making time for those that matter, eggplants, running, birthdays, living a beautiful & blessed life

Good Times in N'awlins

Rock climbing. Bike Rides. Sun time. Cooking Out. Good wine. Bonding. Sleeping Late. Big Breakfasts. Hurricane Katrina devastation-still!. Grilled Grouper. Reminiscent times. Realignment. Picking fruit.




Great weekend with my sister and her boyfriend + his family. Lots of memories. Lots of new stuff.